Misoka's Memories :: Can you see me?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I'm at school now. Sigh. There's supposed to be Computer Studies now but the teacher isn't here today so it's free period in the computer lab! YAY!! Ok, lame. So, now I'm wearing spectacles almost 24 hours because during the health check, my right eye could only read the first alphabet while my left eye could read until the end. The optometrist said it's Lazy Eye. Degree: right eye 200, left eye 25. I know. Big difference. But what can I do if my eyes refuse to cooperate with me? Sigh. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I saw him the other day. Actually I didn't forget, it's just that I don't have the time to blog. See lah. So pathetic. Anyway, as I was saying, I saw him. It makes me quite happy thinking of it. Quite only. There's something wrong with me. I'll say it later. Anyway, I saw his handphone, and it was the same model as mine, but it was of a different colour. His was silverish-black. Mine is silverish-white. But never mind. It matches. =D Ok, here's what is making me not too happy of being able to see him the other day. There are a few problems. Number one. I am jealous of something which I'm not sure what it is exactly. Unfortunately, it does have something to do with him. I don't know what's my problem. Maybe I do know the cause, but I don't know why it has this terrible effect on me. Sigh. I feel so bad to feel jealous of stupid things. Number two. At religious class, Rizal suddenly came up to me and told me that Hoirul told him to tell me to call him. So that night (it was the Sunday that just passed), I called him. I thought there was something important, but turns out he just forgot my house and handphone number and wanted to chit-chat with me. Actually I don't enjoy chit-chatting with him because it makes me disgusted at myself and at him as well. I don't really like him liking me. Ok, I don't like it at all. And then! He suddenly said, "Ain.." in a very playful way (you know the way you ask your mom for something you think she won't allow), so I asked, "What?" a slightly irritated tone, because I was disgusted at him. Then he started singing in Malay. I really didn't know what to do. I wanted to put down the phone on him, but that would be too rude. The song was about, like," I will always love you.. I will always miss you.." that type of thing. So what I did was just hold the phone away from my ear and stare ahead, thinking of him(him as in the guy I like, who is not Hoirul). I really wished he was there with me at that time, so that he can tell me to put down the phone or ask Hoirul to stop or at least be there with me while I went through that song. But unfortunately, of course, he wasn't there, duh-h. He's rarely there this year. I really miss last year. Not really last year. I just miss him. I have to admit, during the health check, I thought about him more than how much I do every second of my life. And I think of him every second, I mean it. Anyway. All I did after the song was give one-word replies so that we would have to put down the phone. And there's problem number three. Asyraf and Hoirul asked me along to watch X-Men with Syahiruddin. I said I have to revise, so Hoirul said after the exams. I didn't know what to answer because I don't know whether to go or not to go. So I just said I'll see first. Actually they already asked me in the month of March. March!! Do you know how long ago that is? Like, 2 months. They do plan ahead. But I still don't know whether to go. I don't want it to be as uncomfortable as the time I watched Chicken Little with them, although it was fun in the arcade. The only thing causing all the discomfort is actually Asyraf and Hoirul. Them being present both at the same time makes me feel so uncomfortable. Ok, I think it's enough for now. Better stop here. Please take note of the date this was typed out.

i'm still here.
2:23 pm