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ain ashiqin
1159@270293
sixteen
ohana
rgsrcy


I want school work to go away,
And never come another day.
Let all my yearmates come and stay;
We'd talk and laugh and shop and play.
And if we were about to pay,
The boss'd say, "Oh, it's okay."
But nothing's ever what I say...
If only things would go my way.


Monday, February 26, 2007


Yeah. So my birthday's in like half an hour's time and I'll be fourteen years old. Somehow it sounds so old. I feel like I just had my thirteenth birthday yesterday. And inside I feel like I'm still twelve. But I want to be eleven still.

Okay, so I malu-ated myself a few times by forgetting that tomorrow's my birthday. But sorry lah, not my fault can? I really seriously forgot. Then the entire class had to laugh at me and yearmates also laughed at me. And a primary school friend made me sound so silly.

I guess that it's because of last year's birthday. It was horrifying, horrible, and I never really blogged about it because it really stank. I mean like, when I met my elder sister at Causeway Point after school to celebrate my birthday, we got scolded by my parents and were forced to go home. So we did. And when we got home, there was a whole new set of rules. The bed mattress was brought up leaning against the wall and there was this note stuck to it. The note was a list of things we had to do, PLUS no computer or air-con until after 9pm. And we were only allowed to shower, eat and do homework until my mom got home from work. It was really really a horrible birthday and I cried a lot that day because it was just... not a birthday.

[12am, 27 February 2007]

But then I hope that this birthday would be much better, and by the looks of it, it is. Because my mom and dad just got home with a huge soft light pink teddy bear plus a nail clipper for me (because I always forget to cut my nails, haha). It's so soft and so cute and my sisters say it looks like me. But the problem is, I'm not cute. Haha. Okay, anyway. My elder sister gave me a big lollipop, the fairy-tale kind, and my elder brother gave me a Japanese textbook for Busy People (Kana version), and Sara gave me a new cute heart-shape handphone accessory so that I may never use the half one again. And plus she thinks my current one is too long and therefore it looks weird. Haha. I think it does, too.

Oh yeah and Mona and Diy wished me a happy fourteenth birthday right on the dot at 12am. Yes, it's 27 February already. I know, I blog very slow. Mann, I feel so old. I want to be eleven.

Let me list out the pros of being eleven still:
  1. Miss Adeline Tan would be teaching me.
  2. I would be in the school choir.
  3. School choir = singing! <3
  4. I would be able to see the Harry Potter Fan Club members everyday. I miss them loads.
  5. I would be seeing all my primary school friends everyday.
  6. I would be teacher's pet.
  7. No pressure from schoolmates.
  8. No long-overdue homework.
  9. Hanging out at McDonalds everyday.
  10. More time to watch anime + play computer.
  11. My first major crush. =)

Then the cons of being eleven still:

  1. I would have enemies.
  2. High expectations.
  3. No yearmates. =(
  4. Malay lessons AND Higher Malay lessons.
  5. The huge mistakes I made.
  6. Not so much freedom.
  7. Less allowance.
  8. Over-spending on bubble tea.
  9. My first true heart-break.

But I don't really know whether I want to be eleven still or not. But it doesn't really matter anyway because I am already fourteen no matter what. Sigh. And to think I so wanted to be fourteen when I was nine.

So today's my birthday and guess what? I still have loads of homework to complete. And after school I would have to mug for my History SA which is this Thursday and I can't mug on Wednesday instead because once I get home I'm sure to go to sleep. And I have yet to mug for my SFA which is this Saturday. Sheesh lah, I only read the first 20 pages of the First Aid manual and I fell asleep. Yeah, on the Essentials of a First Aider. Sigh. I must try harder. PLUS I have to remember the dance steps because Diy is getting super stressed, by the looks of it. Haha. You still have so much more to do, Ain.

Haha then just now (26 February), I stayed back for dance practice and then to do my Mathematics homework with Amalina and Rebecca. Then they kept saying they had to take picture of me actually doing homework. Yeah, I don't do homework often. Then when I concentrated and started frowning at the question, I saw them, from the corner of my eye, nudging each other and pointing to me, and when I looked up, they were looking at me with this amazed and amused look. Haha. I know lah, I don't concentrate very often, and I rarely do my work seriously, but their expressions of 'really amazed' were so funny, can? Then they started saying again about having to take picture of my concentration look. Then I was distracting them a lot by thinking out loud, at which Rebecca said she found me amusing, but that's the only way I can work out my Mathematics. Haha. I think my brain is getting slower and slower by the day. Because I actually asked, "What is 3 divided by 1?" and pondered over the question for quite a long time considering how easy the question is. Rebecca was giving this amused look again, then she said, "Three lah." Then I realised how stupid I sounded. Sigh. I must start sleeping earlier.

Haha sorry, I know this blog post is quite boring considering it doesn't have any pictures, but it won't have until I bother taking pictures of my presents (especially my teddy bear!), or until Jia Ying's friend send to me the photo of me and Jia Ying during Chinese New Year celebrations, or until Jia Ying sends to me via e-mail the photo of her with make-up when we went for Talentime shopping. [hear that, Jang? =P]

Haha and yay, I'll be receiving at least one more present because Asyraf and Syahi and Hoirul will be giving me a birthday present later today! So sweet, right? So that should make it a nice birthday for me this year unlike last year. Other than the mugging and the homework and the fact that dance practice will be shortened because yearmates want to mug for History SA, of course. MEANING, less time with yearmates. =( I'll miss them loads as usual when we go home after school.

Today's not just my birthday. It's his birthday too. Mann. I miss you like crazy. I know you don't miss me. It breaks my heart again and again simply thinking of you. I should have known last year, when you forgot your birthday was mine too, and about Valentine's Day. I feel like a fool, still caring for someone who couldn't care less. I still care a lot. And I mean a lot. I wonder, would you remember my birthday this year? Would you still remember that we got close only because you were born four minutes earlier? Would you remember that I exist at all? I really really really still do care even though I don't want to. I try so hard to forget you, so hard, but I just can't. I don't know how to pretend that I've forgotten you anymore. I just can't. Beneath all those smiles, I always, always think of you. I always, always cry for you. Why? I don't know either. If I could, I would want you right here by my side once again, caring for me, looking out for me like you once used to. But that was once upon a time. Back when you still cared. What am I supposed to do to let go? Because two years isn't enough to let you go, and it just isn't enough for me to stop loving you.

I guess there are some things you just have to let go. And age is just one of them.



i'm still here.
11:30 pm