ain ashiqin
1159@270293
sixteen
ohana
rgsrcy
I want school work to go away,
And never come another day.
Let all my yearmates come and stay;
We'd talk and laugh and shop and play.
And if we were about to pay,
The boss'd say, "Oh, it's okay."
But nothing's ever what I say...
If only things would go my way.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Damn damn damn. Ain's been very emo nowadays.
I flunked History. And by 'flunked', I mean it literally. I don't know what to think. Because before this, I have never ever ever failed in my entire academic life. I mean for exams. Everybody was very nice about it. I cried after I got my paper and it was very very difficult to control because I failed an exam. I failed an exam. I'm such a failure, mann. I FAILED. Sigh. Luckily we watched a video afterwards so the lights were switched off so I could cry as much as I wanted. But I failed. It's horrible to think that. I'm happy even if I just pass. But I failed. EURGH. Lots of people were trying to comfort me, especially Gladys, Anthea, Amalina, Rebecca and such. Cheryl Lee and Farah wrote me a letter during lesson and it was very sweet. After school (which means directly after History), I went to the toilet with no intention of crying but I cried again anyway. And Rebecca was trying to comfort me even though she actually needed to use the toilet. I kind of spoiled Jang's birthday a bit at first. I was late meeting yearmates because I was crying in the toilet, remember? They were running at the corridor trying to find the people involved in Jang's Birthday Trail and when they finally found me, my eyes were bloody red. During the trail itself, I kept remembering my History marks and I kept wanting to cry but I only did once. Sorry, Jang, for spoiling your birthday. Yearmates were trying to comfort me even though they didn't know what I was crying about. I tried not to talk about it because I didn't want to spoil Jang's birthday. And when finally at Plaza Singapura, when there were only Jang and Charlotte and me left, when we were almost leaving, then I told them that I did badly for History. Sigh. I FAILED. Anyway, I made Jang buy this white and black bag with a black star hanging which made her look more feminine and I think looked very very very nice but Jang didn't think so. She wanted to get a black bag with four white corners and gold writing, but I discouraged her by telling her she looked like somebody she dislikes when she carries that bag. She really did. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing her carry that bag. She has to dress more femininely sometimes. And I FAILED.
I did average for Maths. I like Math because it is very understandable and it's something you don't have to study for. I mean like, it's something you don't have to mug for and worry about and memorise things, like Geography. And it's not like History and Literature either, because you don't have to worry about how to phrase your sentences. The only thing to worry about in Math is just presentation and whether you can make it within the given time frame and whether your brain is fast enough to catch the solution. And that's why I like Maths.
Today we took Chemistry. Generally, I studied for Chemistry, except that I missed out the part about Acids, Alkalis and Indicators and nobody would tell me about it and I have no idea about it because I have never paid attention in Science lessons. Sigh. I think I'm quite prepared to flunk this exam too. I skipped a 3 marks question and a 2 marks one and I crapped out two 2-marks questions, and the paper is over 30 so I'm going to do very very very badly and I will fail again because I'm not sure that what I wrote for answers on my paper were correct answers.
DISCOVERY of the week: I need to eat snacks while I study otherwise I can't focus. Maybe that's why I'm getting so fat.
REALISATION of the week: I should read the textbook for Chemistry. It actually helps a lot and is much clearer and easier to understand than TYL.
RESOLUTION(s) of the term: I will try to complete as much homework as I can and not let them compile. I should mug before an exam so that I will feel more secure and not have so many breakdowns. I will not care if a certain person dies because of a limb. I will try to run rounds around the track after some school days if I don't feel tired to burn off the snacks I eat while mugging. And I'll try to spend more time with ! XOBILE + Rebearkie. I will try not to be so mean to Charlotte even though it is very fun. I will try not to be so sarcastic. I will try not to be mean to a certain group of people (actually it's because they don't HAVE a group xD). And most importantly, I will try my best in many of the things I do. I have to be more like Jang -- shop hard, mug hard.
All these I Wills. Will I keep?
i'm still here.
10:15 pm
