ain ashiqin
1159@270293
sixteen
ohana
rgsrcy
I want school work to go away,
And never come another day.
Let all my yearmates come and stay;
We'd talk and laugh and shop and play.
And if we were about to pay,
The boss'd say, "Oh, it's okay."
But nothing's ever what I say...
If only things would go my way.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Okay. Hi.
Initially I had intentions of posting the neoprints Rebecca, Amalina, Nina and I took yesterday but Ain was so smart that she scanned it into the computer at the wrong resolution and now she's too lazy to do it all over again. So, neoprints next time, okay?
So. Learning Journey Week. Yesterday we went for the Geog trip to Kusu Island (or was it?). I can't remember the name but I do remember that so many things on that Island was named Kusu something, so it must be Kusu Island. We took a boat named Cheng Ho II there. Kusu Island was okay. There were terrapins and a huge huge tortoise. One of the terrapins had a squashed shell which was painted blue. Hmm, quite weird. Ain brought a camera but she forgot to charge the battery so she couldn't use it. Smart, right? Sigh. Then after the Geog trip went for lunch at Burger King with Ama, Nina, Rebecky, Gladys. Wait, was Anthea there? Oh no, my memory is horrible. I remember counting five people and saying it was pathetic but I can't remember whether I counted myself. Sigh. Okay, so maybe Anthea was there. Maybe not, too. Sorry, Anthea! My memory is horrible. I wanted to take neoprints but unfortunately there was not enough time and Ama was running late. So we went back to school and those who had to go off went off and we just sat there don't know doing what. I was pigging on food and I'm going to get fatter. Sigh. Then we went to see the organisation we were doing our Service-Learning project with and ate at McDonalds and took neoprints.
Today we went for the History trip. Everything was scheduled in such a way that classes going for the trip would not bump into one another until the ceremony. So first, my class went to Old Ford Factory, then we had lunch, went to Bukit Chandu, Changi Museum and then to Kranji War Memorial, where we had the ceremony. The camera battery died after one shot. One pathetic shot. And when Ain came home, she realised that the camera is now officially spoiled. So no camera for tomorrow. Sad, right? Then there was this 'sense-around' video theatre at Bukit Chandu, meaning there was a video with sounds and movement. Halfway through the video I cried because the sound of blood splattering was horrifying.
I feel a bit upset. For many many reasons. I feel used, abandoned, unimportant, insignificant, stupid, threatened, inferior, lonely, and guilty for feeling all this at all. And I miss my yearmates. This going by class thing is killing me because I missed them over the holidays and now I have to bear with it for longer. I want to have a real talk, laugh, teasing time with them instead of only having the time to say hi and bye. I especially want to ask Diyanah how she feels, is she okay?
Because we didn't get through for the Talentime Auditions.
I'm a bit disappointed myself, and a bit upset. Okay, maybe not just a bit. But if I'm this upset, then what about her?
I seriously don't know what's wrong with me now. I feel so... crumpled up and torn, opened up and read when others will me to, like rubbish, trash. I feel empty inside, used, dead, pathetic. Just a shell with no significance, no importance at all, even in a world this big.
i'm still here.
9:53 pm
