Misoka's Memories :: Can you see me?

Friday, April 13, 2007

Hello, I'm back again. Okay. Let's move on.

They're saying that all the classes are going to have to re-take Literature SA. Like, what the hell lar. I don't want to re-take Literature because the main character which came out in the passage was Dolphus Raymond and he's a very very very good choice for Literature SA because he plays a small but important key role in To Kill A Mockingbird (a.k.a. TKAM). His character wasn't really that difficult. But now we have to re-take because of the leak of questions, and I might do very badly. Sigh. They shouldn't make our class re-take because we were one of the first classes to even take the Literature paper, so we wouldn't have known what was coming out. Obviously.

The Sunday which just passed, I found out that Asyraf just enrolled at my religious class. Yes, Asyraf. I didn't realise because I came in half an hour late as usual and I don't mix around with the other people in religious class much. Oh, and I was smsing and stoning during class. So obviously, I wouldn't notice. Then during break I went to the toilet to check my reflection (like I always do) and when I came back (opening the door of the class), everybody who didn't go down to buy food turned around to see who it is (like they usually do). So I just happened to be looking around at the people who were staring at me when I found a particularly familiar face. For a moment I was like, "How come this person looks so familiar?" So I stared at him for a while and it occured to me that he looked like Asyraf. But his specs were different, so I was doubting it at the same time. Then he waved to me, and in my brain I was like, "Huh? He knows me?" Then I realised that it really was Asyraf and I was very much surprised. Like, very very very surprised. Haha. Anyway, he said that Hoirul would be coming the next lesson. It's good that we're in the same class because I miss the Harry Potter Fan Club a lot and now I can see the main character every week! (a.k.a. Asyraf) Haha.

Okay, on to our class skit. Apparently, every class is supposed to pick a book as a theme for Raffles Book Day. Then we're supposed to decorate our class based on the theme, with our front doors as the front cover of the book. Our class picked Red Sky In The Morning. And each class is supposed to do a skit based on scenes in the book. We were divided into committees and the leaders were elected. I was placed into the singing committee and made leader with Abigail. Sigh. Brenda is the director of the whole skit because she is the English Rep and she was already doing much of the organisation, anyway. When the script finally got into our hands, they already picked the cast and guess what? I got the role Miranda. Miranda, I tell you! Oh my GOSH, lar. And, quoted from the script, Miranda is supposed to wear 'a shirt with a plunging neckline and green lurex tights and overdone makeup'. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark! They mean I'M supposed to wear that? Are they crazy or what? And how come I didn't know that I'm in the Acting Committee? Or was I ever? Whatever lar. I don't care about the skit much anyway.

Today, Ain was so smart that she forgot to wear PE shirt. So she had to go to all the Sec 2 classes asking but nobody could lend me one, so I went to J Block and went around to all the classes except for 1/13 asking for a PE shirt anybody was willing to lend. Then somebody I know lent me hers because she was having PE second block and mine was PE first block, so I said I would run to her class after my PE block to return it to her to wear. She was super nice, can? And I was super super super grateful because if I get a thrid attire booking, I would have to go for Detention Class and that would waste an hour of my time. So that was exactly what I did, except that I was a bit late in returning it to her because PE ended quite late. I'm really really really really really very sorry. And I'm really really really very grateful too. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! =)

After school today, I was supposed to borrow her shirt again for CIP at Lianhua Primary School but then I found out that the bus would leave at 1.10pm and not after 1.40pm and Sec Ones and Sec Twos would be having Assembly from 12.40pm to 1.40pm so I couldn't possibly borrow her PE shirt. So I had to borrow Ama's which was super big but it's okay since I folded the shoulder sleeves in. And I felt so bad to the person whom I was supposed to borrow a PE shirt from that I smsed many many people at school to tell her I won't be borrowing. I'm really really sorry if she had to wait for me. I feel so bad.

Then CIP at Lianhua Primary School was okay. Some guys from Catholic High were there to do CIP too. It was quite tiring just standing there at the Overhead Backward Throw station with the scoreboard in my hand, repeatedly saying to each school, "11 to 12 years old, line up here. Listen, kay, you all have to line up according to the namelist. What school is this? Okay, first person to go is [start reading off names]. Okay, when you all throw already, go to the back of the line and queue again because you all got TWO TRIES. We'll take the best of your two tries. Okay, first person can throw now." And when they throw the ball, the Cat High guys would be standing at the other end to catch the ball when it bounces up, read the measurement, and roll it back to Nina. Then they will either mouth the number of metres or use hand signs. One of the guys were so ungentlemanly. Not really ungentlemanly, actually. He was more like, rude. I really really REALLY hate guys who are rude just because they think it is cool because it really irritates me and turns me off. Especially if it's girls he's being rude to. EURGH. The tone he used seriously irritates me. Even Nina got irritated by him but when I offered to change roles, she refused because she said she doesn't work well with numbers. My job was to take down the measurement for each person and total up the best of each of their two tries. It was quite tiring because sometimes they switch places without me knowing then I would have to rewrite their scores all over again. Haha. And then there was this group of students, 11-12 years old, from Greenwood Primary School. They were so amusing. And embarrassing. How do I start this? Hmm. Most of them were loud short Malay guys who somehow thought I was Chinese. So one of them tried to trick me and said, "Eh, that's not my name, you know. That's my father's name." What did he take me for, a Chinese? So I gave my 'err' face and said in Malay, "You think I don't know, is it?" Then he and his friends looked shocked and one of them noticed my nametag and realised that it read 'Ain Ashiqin Omar'. So he told his friend to see my nametag, obviously I'm Malay. Then from there they knew my name. Then I don't know. When they moved on to the next station, which was right beside mine, I began taking down measurements for another school. Then suddenly I realised that somebody, or rather, somebodies, were calling my name. So I turned around and saw them looking at me, and one of them turned away quickly and said in Malay, "Eh, my grandma is calling me, lar." [for Malays: Eh, nenek aku panggil lar.] So I was like whatever lar and I just gave an amused smile and continued whatever I was doing. Then they kept on and on calling my name for fun. Sometimes I turned and sometimes I wouldn't. I thought they were just being friendly. Then one of the times when I turned, one of them pointed to his friend and said, "Eh, dier suke kau lar!" [translation: Eh, he likes you lar!] and my brain was like, HHUUHHHH????!!!!! so I just gave one breath of laughter (literally, like herh) and turned back around again. And they kept on and on calling my name. When I finished all the schools, I went to sit on the stage stairs with the rest of the students from my school. Then all the school students were supposed to sit in their schools in front of the stage and somehow they ended up sitting somewhere in front of me. And they kept on and on calling my name, and I got a bit embarrassed, because the teachers were staring at them at back at me, and Nina said sorry because she thought it was her fault they know my name because when she tells me the measurements, she would always call my name first. But I told her it wasn't her fault because of my nametag. And it went on like that for quite a long time until I felt really don't-know-what-to-do and so I leaned back and told Rebearkie about it. Strange, even though she was sitting only like one person away, she didn't notice that they were calling my name all the time. Then Sarah Lai heard too and Selena and Charlotte, and they were laughing at me because what, I was (quote) 'charming to young boys'. I was like, what the hell! It was so embarrassing, can! So I started looking down at my handphone instead of at them and Sarah Lai and Rebearkie and Selena and Charlotte were all amusedly staring at them. Then suddenly Rebearkie turned to me and said, "Ain, he wants your number." And I was like 'WHAT??' in my brain and I looked up to look at them and they were all grinning at me like crazy and pointing to one of their friends. I think his name is Idris but I don't really know and I don't actually care. And I was very embarrassed by the teachers staring at me. But I have to say, it did make me feel less upset that I originally was.

There is a group of people I love. But their promises are like balloons. When they blow it up, it makes you happy, but all of a sudden, they decide to pop it, and it's gone, and you feel upset. Balloons are empty, and even when they come in different attractive shapes and colours, all of them share the same property, which is, none of them ever lasts forever.

My heart is like a glass bottle, it breaks easily. Glass bottles are empty, and they're transparent in such a way that you know what is inside, like whatever is inside is on display.

I finally made certain discoveries abouut other people. I feel relieved, anxious, worried, scared, afraid, guilty, regretful, confused, and many other emotions. Why must everything turn out this way?

Sigh. Okay. I owe many apologies.

Number one. To the person I borrowed the PE shirt from today, I'm sorry for returning it late to you.

Number two. To Charlotte Loh, I'm very sorry for the mean things I said in those smses but it was very impulsive and I meant it at that point of time.

Number three. To Diyanah, I'm very sorry for shouting at you like that. I'm also sorry for saying that I wouldn't care anymore, because I still do, but I won't fuss over it.

Number four. To Mona Chin, I'm very sorry for being unreasonable that day and not being able to control my emotions. I should have reminded you earlier so that you wouldn't be tired. It's my fault, and I'm sorry.

Number five. To Asyraf, Haffiz, and Syahi, I'm really sorry for not thanking you for your really sweet presents but I really feel touched by them and I treasure them a lot. <3

Number six. To Amanda, I'm really sorry for leaving your 'Welcome Back Amanda' party halfway and not spending recess with you guys.

Number seven. To Anthea, I'm really sorry for being really irresponsible with deadlines.

Number eight. To Nina, I'm really sorry for talking back to you like that the day we discussed with the rest.

Number nine. To you lot, I'm really sorry for having doubted you and all that you say. I understand now, really.

Number ten. To anybody else I've hurt, or offended in any way at all but is not in this list, I'm equally sorry for being mean at all. And I'm sorry if your name isn't on this list.

I've hurt and offended so many people these days. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just much more impulsive than usual and it really is horrible. When I laugh, my heart still aches with emptiness. I hate the people I used to love, and I feel more upset and screwed up than ever. I'll go and isolate myself for a while before I hurt any more people.

i'm still here.
7:12 pm